Why the desire for expansion is often blocked by the refusal to release, and how the real work of renewal begins with letting old habits burn.
Introduction
Every year, the festival of Holi explodes in a joyous celebration of color. But the vibrant powders and celebration are not the beginning of the story. The festival begins the night before, with the Holika Dahan bonfire. In this fire, old grievances, insecurities, and negativity are symbolically burned away. The lesson is profound: renewal doesn’t start with celebration. It starts with release. This ancient wisdom holds the key to one of the most common paradoxes in modern leadership.
The Paradox of Protected Expansion
Many ambitious leaders are striving for expansion: more impact, more scale, more visibility. Yet they feel stuck, unable to reach the next level of their potential. The reason is often that they are trying to build a new future while fiercely protecting an old identity. They are trying to add color while refusing the fire. This old identity is the one built for survival, the one that learned to:
- Overwork to prove its worth.
- Over-explain to manage others’ emotions.
- Perform for approval.
- Carry everything alone to maintain control.
You cannot expand into a new version of your leadership while protecting the habits of the version that was built for survival.
As psychologist and author Dr. Shefali Tsabary (2016) often discusses, true evolution requires a “conscious awakening” where we become aware of and release the egoic patterns that once kept us safe but now keep us small.
From Carrying to Releasing
The process of “letting go” can feel abstract. To make it concrete, leaders need a practice for identifying and releasing the heavy burdens they carry. Here are the three essential shifts inspired by the wisdom of Holi.
1. Identify What Must Be Burned (Release Precedes Renewal). You must name the old habits before you can release them. The most common and heaviest burden leaders carry is the belief that they must “do it all.” This pattern of over-functioning is a primary obstacle to expansion. You must learn to identify what is truly yours to carry and what is not.
Act as an executive coach. Guide me through a "Responsibility Audit." Ask me to list my top 5 current projects or worries. For each one, ask me the following question: "Is this truly yours to carry, or is it yours to guide, delegate, or release?" Help me categorize each item.
2. Open Yourself to a New Way (Color Requires Openness). Once you release the need to carry everything, you create a vacuum. This space feels vulnerable. The temptation is to grab the responsibility back. Instead, you must learn to hold that open space, allowing your team to step into it. This requires tolerating the temporary discomfort of not being in control of every outcome.
You cannot experience the joy of a collaborative team while controlling every outcome.
3. Embrace a Lighter Way of Being (Play is Part of Power). The colors of Holi represent joy, spontaneity, and play. After the symbolic burning, there is lightness. For leaders, this means that after releasing the heavy burden of over-functioning, you can lead from a place of greater ease and presence. Your power becomes less about force and more about flow.
How This Looks in Practice
A senior director feels constantly overwhelmed. She wants to take on a new strategic initiative (expansion) but has no capacity. She realizes her core survival habit is carrying everything for her team. She decides to use the C.A.R.R.Y. Framework to practice release.
A team member comes to her with a problem. Her instinct is to solve it immediately. Instead:
- C – Catch the Sensation: She feels the familiar urgency in her chest.
- A – Audit the Responsibility: She asks herself, “Is this mine to solve, or his to learn from?”
- R – Resist the Rescue: She takes a breath and does not offer the solution.
- R – Return the Responsibility: She asks, “What’s your sense of the next step?”
- Y – Yield to Their Growth: She endures the slightly awkward silence as her team member thinks. He eventually proposes a solution—one she wouldn’t have thought of. By “burning” her habit of rescuing, she created space for his growth and her own capacity.
Holi teaches us that the path to vibrant color is through the purifying fire. For leaders, this means the path to expansion is through the courageous release of old, protective habits. Before you ask what new thing you can add to your life, ask what old story you are willing to let burn. Because only when the old is released can the new truly appear.
Your Next Step: Identify one “survival” habit that is holding you back (e.g., over-explaining, checking every detail, carrying others’ emotions). This week, what is one small, concrete action you can take to begin to release it?
A Note on the Author’s Philosophy
The concepts in this article are part of a larger leadership model developed by Simran Kaur.
- The SACRED Philosophy™ is the author’s belief system for powerful, peaceful leadership. This article’s theme of release and renewal is a direct application of the S – Spiritual Integration pillar.
- The A.S.C.E.N.D. Path™ is the author’s signature coaching journey. The C.A.R.R.Y. framework is a key tool for A – Acknowledge Your State and S – Settle Your System, as it helps release the burdens that cause activation.
References
Tsabary, S. (2016). The awakened family: A revolution in parenting. Viking.